The Holidays and looking inside myself

So, today is Thanksgiving, a day for us all to be with Family and Friends and be thankful for what we have. Holidays are generally bittersweet for me. I grew up a Jehovahs Witness, and Holidays were pretty much a day when I felt secluded from the outside world. I don't want to mis-speak, I think Jehovahs Witnesses are great people that are dedicated to their faith, but I can't help but think I missed out on so much during those years. Today as I was driving down the road, I saw a homeless man on the side of the road pick up a Lottery ticket on the ground. I could see the excitement in his face and then the total dismay when he realize it wasn't a winner, and he tossed it and went on about his way. I couldn't help but think about this man, his past, his situation and the reason he came to be this person I was staring at from a red light. I suddenly had this rush of guilt fall upon me. Why did I deserve to have a family that loves me and a warm place to go and he didn't? I realize that we all create our own destiny and maybe this guy had the same oppurtunities in life I did and just pissed it away. Maybe, he got a Raw deal in life and just gave up. Maybe he was mentally uncapable of educating himself, and this life was the only choice he had. Maybe he was involved in a tragedy so great that I could never understand because I have yet to feel the pain he was feeling inside.

I grieved about this all the way to my parents house, so much to the point where i literally sat in my parents driveway and a tear came to my eye. Then it hit me,,,I am a selfless son of a bitch. I complain about the most the most superficial things, almost to the point where I could qualify as a spoiled little Brat. Don't get me wrong, I have been through my hardships in life, and I have worked hard to get to where I am at, but how dare me lose track of whats important. My family, my kids, My wife, my career.

I Finally pulled myself together, and walked into my parents house. I hugged my mother harder than I have ever hugged her before. She made eye contact with me, and knew something was not right, but at the same time, she knew that I had made peace with myself, and I swear I saw her tear up as well.

I will not lose track of whats important to me again, and I will be damned if i EVER take for granted how fortunate I am.

Billy